“- Gil Renard: And what I want you to do, Bobby, is I want you to stand up and tell the 50 million viewers that this home run is dedicated to Gil, a true fan. What do you think?
- Bobby Rayburn: I can't believe you're serious.
- Gil Renard: I'm as serious as a heart attack, Bobby.”

Robert De Niro - Gil Renard
Wesley Snipes - Bobby Rayburn

“- Dist. Atty. Ira J. Parks: We're going to have a serious conversation tonight.
- Glenda Gardenia Parks: I'm looking forward to it.
- Nick Gardenia: Anything special you'd like for dinner?”
Charles Grodin - Ira Parks
Goldie Hawn - Glenda Parks
Chevy Chase - Nicholas Gardenia

“- Skip Donahue: She's not for you.
- Harry Monroe: What do you mean, she's not for me?
- Skip Donahue: Harry, Nancy is a fascinating girl. She may be the single hottest girl on the East Side. But when you wake up in the morning you'll find that she's not a very serious person.
- Harry Monroe: Neither am I!”
Gene Wilder - Skip Donahue
Richard Pryor - Harry Monroe

“Being serious doesn't mean you have to be solemn.”
Skeet Ulrich - Juvenal

“- Lynn Faulkner: We're lucky, right now we are.
- Juvenal: You sound very solemn.
- Lynn Faulkner: Yeah, I have to watch that. The most important thing you can do in life is to not take it too seriously.”
Bridget Fonda - Lynn Faulkner
Skeet Ulrich - Juvenal