“I had to stop drinkin, cuz I got tired of waking in my car driving ninety.”
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“I never met anybody who said when they were a kid, 'I wanna grow up and be a critic'.”
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“Oh, boy. Well, some of my patients prefer walking, some prefer bicycling. But for best results, to guarantee satisfaction, most of them like fucking. You know, poonta-poonta-poonta. I like it myself, you know. One in the morning, and late at night.”
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“- Arlo Pear: Maybe we'll send you a plane ticket and you can visit us at Christmas.
- Frank Crawford: Good but I won't.”
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“- George: Be kind to your web-footed friends, for a duck maybe somebody's mother...
- Eddie Dash: Would you knock it off with the web-footed friends shit?”
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“- Big Mean: What's the charge?
- Harry Monroe: Innocent.
- Big Mean: Ain't we all?”
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“Honey, our daughter's getting married, you wanna come?”
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“- Jack Brown: What if I tell your father?
- Eric Bates: He won't care.
- Jack Brown: Your father doesn't care that his son is a quitter?
- Eric Bates: He doesn't care what I am, so long as I stay out of his way.” -
“- Dave: You swear an awful lot.
- Wally: You're fucking-A right!”
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“When I take over your muthafucking job, know what I'm gonna do baby? Gonna get on my private jet and wing up to Palm Springs. Hang out with Eddie Knuckles, and hit a few golfballs with President Ford and Nixon and them muthafuckers.”
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“- Montgomery Brewster: Gentlemen, do you think I'm a lowlife?
- Tailor: Oh no, Mr. Brewster. Not with these clothes.”
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Who are we gonna tell God? We are gonna say "Hey God! Life's unfair!". You know what He's gonna say "Tough Titties!".
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“- Big Mean: Short ass son of a bitch, ain't you?
- Harry Monroe: Oh, I'm a short son of a bitch. My father was a short son of a bitch too. My mother was shorter than him. And my brother was real short and we couldn't even see him. He was a short son of a bitch.”
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“- Zeke: Smoke, what if the motherfuckers don't wanna pay?
- Smokey: If they don't pay, then we're gonna cut them a new asshole.” -
“- Skip Donahue: Did you sleep any better last night?
- Harry Monroe: No. I got a couple of winks between nightmares.”
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“A hundred and twenty five years... Oh God, Oh God... I'll be a hundred and sixty one when I get out.”
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“- Jack Brown: Why me? Of all the stuff in the store, why did you pick me?
- Eric Bates: You made me laugh. I wanted a friend who made me laugh.
- Jack Brown: So of all the toys in the store you wanted a friend. If you want a friend, you don't buy a friend, Eric, you earn a friend through love and trust and respect.” -
Highlights