“- Nancy Huff: What about you Tiffany, what did you get for Christmas?
- Tiffany: I got this Mikimoto pearl necklace, but next year I'm gonna ask Santa for breast implants because I'm impatient with my body.”

Mary Steenburgen - Nancy Huff
Elizabeth Yozamp - Tiffany

“- Michael Cromwell: You sound like an idiot.
- Richard Kempster: I'm a parent! Therefore, I'm an idiot! I have spent every day for the last 12 years worrying about my kids. About their safety, about their happiness, about their crooked teeth.”

Tim Allen - Michael Cromwell
Martin Hayter Short - Richard Kempster

“This whole thing is about parenting. It's about taking care of your children. You take care of yours, I take care of mine.”
Bruce Willis - Sonny Truelove

“Little kids buy cereal the same way grown men buy lingerie. They will buy stuff they care nothing about just to get the prize that's inside.”
Jeff Foxworthy - Jeff Foxworthy

“My parent's didn't give a shit about me. And when they did take the time to look up from their martini glasses, it was to get on my case about friends, schoolwork, all that crap.”
Jacqueline Lovell - Trix