“I've been married for twenty five years to the same wonderful, infuriating woman. And granted there are days when I want to light her on fire but I don't, because I love her. And that would be illegal. And you know something, and I might be old fashioned but when I said those vows, I meant them.”
Dennis Miller - Judge Whopper

“- Nerd student: Have you adhered strictly to your vow of celibacy?
- Father Jebedaiah Mayii: Yes, I have.
- Nerd student: Me too.
- Father Jebedaiah Mayii: I'm not surprised. Mine was by choice.”
Willie Garson - Nerd student
Leslie William Nielsen - Father Jebedaiah Mayii

“- Father Seamus: Tell me. Is celibacy just as difficult for a woman as it is for a man?
- Charlie McManus: I wouldn't know... I must come clean, though, I, I had a man in my bed last night. All night. You see, the way I see it, sex is allowed.”
Tom Hickey - Father Seamus
Robbie Coltrane - Charlie McManus

“- Prissy The Elephant: They've gone and made him... oh dear, I just can't say it... made him a clown.
- The Elephant Matriarch: Oh, the shame of it. Let us take the solemn vow. From now on, he is no longer an elephant.”

Sarah Selby - Prissy The Elephant
Verna Felton - The Elephant Matriarch

“You got to tell her. Seriously. You can pass off two dates without a kiss as old fashioned, you go three and you're a homo.”

Paulo Costanzo - Ryan