“Lois, I'm hurting. I am burning. I have this erection. It is so big it's like one of those Thanksgiving Day balloons. If I don't do something about it soon - bang! - I'll be left without a dick for the rest of my life! I'm only seventeen!”
Sean Astin - Duncan McDermott

“- Jim McAllister: There's one more thing about Tracy I think you should know.
- Dave Novotny: Her pussy gets so wet you can't believe it.”
Matthew Broderick - Jim McAllister
Mark Harelik - Dave Novotny

“- Rod Lane: I had a hard-on this morning when I woke up, Tina...had your name written all over it.
- Tina Gray: There's four letters in my name, Rod. How can there be enough room on your joint for four letters?”
Jsu Garcia - Rod Lane
Amanda Wyss - Tina Gray

“Is that a dagger in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?”

Kristy McNichol - Mabel Stanley

“- Davey: Can I prance around with my morning erection?
- Whitey: If you do you'll want an automatic ejection cause that's a technical foul!
- Eleanor: But I would like to see it anyway!”
Adam Sandler - Davey
Adam Sandler - Whitey
Adam Sandler - Eleanore