“You know why Jewish girls don't get AIDS? They only marry assholes, they don't screw 'em!”
Bob Eubanks - Himself

“- Avner: You people have nothing to bargain with. You'll never get the land back. You'll die old men in refugee camps waiting for Palestine.
- Ali: We have a lot of children. They'll have children. So we can wait forever. And if we need to, we can make the whole planet unsafe for Jews.”
Eric Bana - Avner
Omar Metwally - Ali

“This chick, man, without the benefit of dying herself, has broken down the process of dying into five stages: anger, denial, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Sounds like a Jewish law firm. 'Good morning 'Anger denial bargaining depression acceptance!'.”
Cliff Gorman - Davis Newman

“I am not going to bury my son. My son is going to bury me.”
Denzel Washington - John Quincy Archibald

“- William Lightbody: They're dead! They've been electrocuted!
- Endymion Hart-Jones: Rather a severe cure for flatulence, I do admit.”
Matthew Broderick - William Lightbody
John Neville - Endymion Hart-Jones