“- Waterfront Bartender: I don't know why you want to waste so much time writing those sappy love songs when no-one wants to hear 'em. Least of all, the woman who dumped your sorry ass.
- Malik Brody: Thank you Doctor! I feel so much better now!
- Waterfront Bartender: The truth hurts, baby.”
Joe Unger - Waterfront Bartender
Kadeem Hardison - Malik Brody

“- Karen Eiffel: Excuse me, where are the dying people? Most of these people are sick or injured. Is there any way to see the people who aren't going to get better? I'd like to see the dead-for-sure ones.
- Head ER Nurse: I'm sorry, are you suffering from anything?
- Karen Eiffel: Just writer's block.”
Emma Thompson - Karen Eiffel
Cheryl Lynn Bruce - Head ER Nurse

“I use the pen, because the pen is mightier than the sword. But you must always keep a sword handy for when the pen fails.”
John Nichols - Himself

“There is only one page left to write on. I will fill it with words of only one syllable. I love. I have loved. I will love.”
Romola Garai - Cassandra Mortmain

“- Roy O'Bannon: It's just a rock with some gibberish on it!
- Chon Wang: It's Chinese!”

Owen Wilson - Roy O'Bannon
Jackie Chan - Chon Wang