“Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don't shoot their husbands, they just don't.”
Reese Witherspoon - Elle Woods

“- Coach: You ate her?
- Wayne: Yeah, we ate her.
- J.D.: Alive.
- Coach: My hat goes off to you. You boys are smart; that's the perfect crime.”
R. Lee Ermey - Coach
Steve Zahn - Wayne
Jack Black - J.D.

“- Coach: Wait a minute, that's the kidnap victim, ain't it? You didn't kill her.
- Wayne: No, coach.
- Coach: I'm real disappointing in you boys.”
R. Lee Ermey - Coach
Steve Zahn - Wayne

“- Debbie Thompson: Rick, you promise you won't fool around at your bachelor party?
- Rick Gassko: I swear on my mother's grave.
- Debbie Thompson: Your mother's still alive.
- Rick Gassko: Well, if I go back on my word, I'll kill her.”
Tawny Kitaen - Debbie Thompson
Tom Hanks - Rick Gassko

“I've always dreamed of big game hunting. How about killing an endangered species? Like a Bald Eagle or a Giant Panda!”
Trevor Einhorn - Joey Thomas