“I'm not some sort of friendly cartoon Genie. And that is not a bottle, it is a spacecraft. I'm of a highly evolved alien species. I don't do funny voices, I don't sing catchy songs and I do not posess a magic carpet for your big bloated behinds to float upon! I'm here to observe your species mating rituals. Ok, Dum-Dums?”

Alan Cumming - Gazoo

“- Dr. Laura Baker: Should I leave a message?
- Preston Lennox: Yeah. Tell him he's about to copulate with a creature from outer space.”

Marg Helgenberger - Dr. Laura Baker
Michael Madsen - Preston Lennox

“- Loren Lukas: Where are you from?
- Stuart Richards: Mars.
- Loren Lukas: Terrific, I never made it with a Martian before.”
Arnaldo Santana - Loren Lukas
Richard Cox - Stuart Richards

“I would never take advantage of a sexually immature species.”
Persis Khambatta - Ilia

“- Kay: We are the best kept secret in the galaxy. We monitor, licence and police all alien activity on the Earth. We're your first, last, and only line of defense. We live in secret, we exist in shadow.
- Jay: And we dress in black.”
Tommy Lee Jones - Kay
Will Smith - Jay