“- Coleye: This is similar to the Martian incident of 1963.
- Armitan: Careful, stupid. Not only is that incident classified, it never happened!”
Wallace Shawn - Coleye
Ray Walston - Armitan

“- Uncle Martin: Martians use 100% of their brain while humans only use 10%.
- Tim O'Hara: No, we're smarter than that.
- Uncle Martin: Your astronauts pee in their spacesuits. Case closed.”
Chris Lloyd - Uncle Martin
Jeff Daniels - Tim O'Hara

“- Mike Nelson: I'm beginning to think they're not from around here.
- Tom Servo: No, I bet you they're English, or Canadian.”

Michael J. Nelson - Mike Nelson
Kevin Murphy - Tom Servo

“Self cleaning mutant. Leaves only the fresh scent of pine.”
Kevin Murphy - Tom Servo

“- Translator Device: All green of skin... 800 centuries ago, their bodily fluids include the birth of half-breeds. For the fundamental truth self-determination of the cosmos, for dark is the suede that mows like a harvest.
- General Decker: What the hell does that mean?”
Roger Jackson - Translator Device
Rod Steiger - General Decker