“My brother's in a wheel chair because of a freak accident as a kid. One day we were playing touch football and he fell off the roof.”
Shawn Hatosy - Tim Dunphy

“I just think that sports are stupid, and anyone who likes them is just, like, a lesser person. And has a small intellect.”
Amy Schumer - Amy

“- Terry: All you ever talk about is becoming a pro hockey player, but there's a problem: you're not any good.
- Happy Gilmore: I am good. You know what, you're a lousy kindergarten teacher. I've seen those finger-paintings you bring home and they suck.”
Nancy Hillis - Terry
Adam Sandler - Happy Gilmore

“- Jesse Walsh: Schneider shouldn't have called you out on that last play.
- Ron Grady: Yeah, well, Schneider's got a stick up his ass today.
- Jesse Walsh: Schneider's always got a stick up his ass.”
Mark Patton - Jesse Walsh
Robert Rusler - Ron Grady

“Careless is what you are, Randal. Careless and stupid; and now you're sorry, too.”

Lance Henriksen - Emil Fouchon