“- Joseph Newton: Things aren't as bad as that. The bank gave me a raise last January.
- Charlie Newton: Money. How can you talk about money when I'm talking about souls? We eat and sleep and that's about all. We don't even have any real conversations.”
Henry Travers - Joseph Newton
Teresa Wright - Charlie Newton

“- Co-ed: I'm engaged.
- Jacey Holt: So am I.
- Co-ed: You are?
- Jacey Holt: Sure. I'm engaged in conversation with you.”
Julie Benz - Co-ed
Billy Crudup - Jacey Holt

“- Daniel Schorr: There's a tiny camera looking at you right now.
- Nicholas Van Orton: That's impossible.
- Daniel Schorr: You're right, impossible. You're having a conversation with your television.”

Daniel Schorr - Daniel Schorr
Michael Douglas - Nicholas Van Orton

“They say the great thing about being a kid is, it's so easy to pretend. You can have a conversation with your dog or a baseball or a banana. Well, what if wasn't pretend? What if you could have a conversation. I mean, not with a baseball or a banana - that's ridiculous - but with your dog?”

Norm MacDonald - Lucky

“- Leonard Crabbe: One in three people over 60 either have a flaccid or a spastic bladder, so every 13.5 seconds a new incontinent is born. The good old constipation. You have impacted fecal mass in your rectum, you find that pushing on your bladder...
- Mickey Crabbe: You know, this might make good dessert talk.”

Jim Piddock - Leonard Crabbe
Catherine O'Hara - Mickey Crabbe