“Relationships are a lot like those little packets of condiments you get at fast-food restaurants. They're these little magical things that can last forever on a shelf, but once you open them up, they go bad really fast. I just don't understand condiments.”
Robert May - Jim

“Felix, I've taken pisses longer than your last three relationships.”
Ben Foster - Berke Landers

“Forgive me, but you keep talking about how much she meant to you. All I remember is you would show up at the gym first thing in the morning, you would be the last person to leave at night. You didn't have time for anybody or anything. You blamed her for ruining the relationship. Well, maybe the real problem was you.”

Alan Arkin - Louis 'Lightning' Conlon

“Let me ask you something. If you know so much about men and women, how come there was no one waiting for you at the airport?”
Meg Ryan - Kate

- Alec Scudder: "Alec, you're a dear fellow", you said. Are you ashamed to be seen with me? You're not glad, anyway. Don't say you are.
- Maurice Hall: Of course I'm glad.
- Alec Scudder: Then why didn't you come to the boathouse? I waited two night, I got no sleep waiting.
Rupert Graves - Alec Scudder
James Wilby - Maurice Hall