“- Liz Blake: Do you want to fuck me?
- Doctor Robert Elliott: Oh, yes.
- Liz Blake: Then why don't you?
- Doctor Robert Elliott: Because I'm a doctor and...
- Liz Blake: Fucked a lot of doctors.
- Doctor Robert Elliott: ...and I'm married.
- Liz Blake: Fucked a lot of them, too.”
Nancy Allen - Liz Blake
Sir Michael Caine - Doctor Robert Elliott

“You should never traumatize a woman sexually. I should know, I'm a medical doctor.”
Lori Capp - Traumatized Yacht Owner

“- Coach Ken Carter: I end up taking a roadtrip to the suburbs where I find my drunk-ass point guard on top of Daddy's little princess.
- Worm: Actually, I was on the bottom, coach, she was on the top.”
Samuel L. Jackson - Coach Ken Carter
Antwon Tanner - Worm

“- Christina: I got a penis in my eye.
- Courtney: Let me see.
- Christina: How is it? Is it okay?
- Courtney: Yeah, it's okay, but I think you're pregnant.”
Cameron Diaz - Christina Walters
Christina Applegate - Courtney Rockcliffe

“- Christina: How are you stuck?
- Andy: I have a piercing [the entire crowd recoils in shock] ...
- San Francisco Policeman: I don't get it, how are they stuck?
- Male bystander: Behind her tonsils ...
- San Francisco Policeman: How do you know that?
[Awkward silence]”

Cameron Diaz - Christina Walters
Frank Grillo - Andy
Rick Evans - San Francisco Policeman #2