“- Ricky Bobby: Holding hands with a man makes me terribly uncomfortable.
- Jean Girard: It's a sign of friendship in many countries.
- Ricky Bobby: Well, not here.
- Jean Girard: There is nothing sexual about it. Please don't be worried about the fact that I have an erection. It has nothing to do with you.”
Will Ferrell - Ricky Bobby
Sacha Baron Cohen - Jean Girard

“A man's best friend, his right hand.”
Howie Mandel - Maurice

“- Lady Lou: Those absolutely necessary? You know I wasn't born with them.
- Captain Cummings: No. A lot of men would've been safer if you had.
- Lady Lou: Oh, I don't know hands ain't everything.”

Mae West - Lady Lou
Cary Grant - Captain Cummings

“We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.”
Lily Tomlin

“- Christine Jesperson: What happened?
- Richard Swersey: I tried to save my life but it didn't work. I burned it.”

Miranda July - Christine Jesperson
John Hawkes - Richard Swersey