- Lucky Jordan: Don't you know that you shouldn't be drinking at your age?
- Annie ("Ma"): I'd like to be drinking at your age, but time passes.
Alan Ladd - Lucky Jordan
Mabel Paige - Annie ("Ma")

“- Stifler's Mom: I got some scotch.
- Finch: Single malt?
- Stifler's Mom: Aged eighteen years. The way I like it.”

Jennifer Coolidge - Stifler's Mom

“You're like a fine wine, you get better with age, and you're gonna make those Russians drunk.”

Jimmie Walker - Boisie

“- Frank Detorre: I feel a little fluey.
- Bob: You know what they say; starve a cold, drown the flu. Your body needs fluids now, lots of 'em.
- Frank Detorre: Is beer fluid?”
Bill Murray - Frank Detorre
Chris Elliott - Bob

“- Dede Truitt: I'd like a Long Island iced tea, please.
- Bill Truitt: Is that a good idea, for the baby?
- Dede Truitt: Oh, please. This baby owes its life to Long Island iced teas, if you know what I mean.”
Christina Ricci - Dede Truitt
Martin Donovan - Bill Truitt