“I am going to Bangkok to assume a missionary position.”

Joan Messiah - Nun

“- Nun: Have you ever been down the Yellow River?
- Leon: ...Yea, once in the '80s but I did not enjoy it...”
Joan Messiah - Nun
Tim Meadows - Leon Phelps

“- Joey: Vince, we can't waste a nun.
- Vince LaRocca: What are you two nuts talking about? It's Deloris, in a costume.
- Willy: How do you know she didn't sign up and become one of them when she was there? Things like this happen.
- Vince LaRocca: Because I know this woman. In the biblical sense and she ain't no nun.”
Robert Miranda - Joey
Harvey Keitel - Vince LaRocca
Richard Portnow - Willy

“- Mary Patrick: I can't believe the Pope is coming! This is better than ice cream!
- Mary Robert: It's better than springtime!
- Deloris: It's better than sex! No, I mean, I've heard.”
Kathy Najimy - Mary Patrick
Wendy Makkena - Mary Robert
Whoopi Goldberg - Deloris

“- Nicole Horner: Come on, she's not a murderer. She's an ex-nun, for Christ's sake!
- Det. Shirley Vogel: I remember them. They disappeared overnight like dial phones.”

Sharon Stone - Nicole Horner
Kathy Bates - Det. Shirley Vogel