“You can never explain something like this. And if you were able to, the odds are you wouldn't much care for the answer.”
Fred Thompson - Sheriff

“- Miles Russell: Are you my dad's brother?
- Buck Russell: What's your record for consecutive questions asked?
- Miles Russell: 38.
- Buck Russell: I'm your dad's brother alright.”

Macaulay Culkin - Miles Russell
John Candy - Buck Russell

“Do you know what it's like to fall in the mud and get kicked... in the head... with an iron boot? Of course you don't, no one does. It never happens. Sorry, Ted, that's a dumb question... skip that.”
Robert Stack - Captain Rex Kramer

“I'd have good strong roots in a town like Mt. Rose, a solid Christian trunk, and long, leafy branches to provide shade for handicappedkids on a hot summer day.”

Denise Richards - Rebecca 'Becky' Ann Leeman

- Bud Schnelker: Why are you here?
- Emmett Fitz-Hume: Why am I here? Why are you here? Why is anybody here? I think it was Jean-Paul Sartre who once said... how do you spell spell "Sartre"?
Jim Staahl - Bud Schnelker
Chevy Chase - Emmett Fitz-Hume