“- Ford Fairlane: How much?
- Ticket Guy: 300.
- Ford Fairlane: 300? You charged the chicks one.
- Ticket Guy: Hey, they blew me.
- Ford Fairlane: Heh. 300 coming up.”

Andrew Dice Clay - Ford Fairlane

“- His Excellency: I presume your funeral was satisfactory.
- Henry Van Cleve: Well, there was a lot of crying, so I believe everybody had a good time.”
Laird Cregar - His Excellency
Don Ameche - Henry Van Cleve

“I hate funerals. They're an undeniable reminder of man's mortality.”

Ray McKinnon - Rollins

“- Andrew Largeman: I just feel like I've been going to too many of these lately.
- Sam: What? Dates?
- Andrew Largeman: You call this a date? This isn't a date. No, funerals.”
Zach Braff - Andrew Largeman
Natalie Portman - Sam

“Like that song? I wrote that for you. I'm gonna sing it at your funeral.”

Mark Collie - Harry Heck