“The Adventures of Ford Fairlane” quotes

Movie The Adventures of Ford Fairlane
Renny Harlin directed this movie in 1990
Title The Adventures of Ford Fairlane
Year 1990
Director Renny Harlin
Genre Comedy, Music, Adventure, Action
Plot – Ford Fairlane - Mr. Rock'n'Roll Detective - has a lot of problems, but none of them involves some women. People pay him with drumsticks, koalas, white goods and sportswear. Moreover, all his clients ask him to find a girl called Zuzu Petals, who has been killed. Why didn’t he choose another career instead of the detective’s one?
All actors – Andrew Dice Clay, Wayne Newton, Priscilla Presley, Morris Day, Lauren Holly, Maddie Corman, Gilbert Gottfried, David Patrick Kelly, Brandon Call, Robert Englund, Ed O'Neill, Vince Neil, Sheila E., David Arnott, Mark Goldstein, Cody Jarrett, William Shockley, Mark Zuelke, Steve White, Kari Wuhrer, Delia Sheppard, Kimber Sissons, Monique Mannen, Pamela Adlon, Hili Park, Gry Park, Kurt Loder, Cindy Lehre, Phil Soussan, Carlos Cavazo, Randy Castillo, Peter Michael Escovedo, Zina Escovedo, Juan Jose Escovedo, Paul Christopher, J.D. Reilly, Boni Boyer, Consuela Nance, Diane Almeida, Aurorah Allain, Kurt James Stefka, Jaz Kaner, David Bowe, Michael Alan Kahn, Willie Garson, Ladd Vance, Robert Mangiardi, Kristin Pearcey, Lori Pfeiffer, Diana Barrows, Lala Sloatman, Lee Lawrence, Connie Johnson, Jordan Lund, Allan Wasserman, Charlie Hawke, Rita Bland, Kathleen Monica, Randy Crenshaw, John Hammond, Tone Loc, Hot Tub Johnny West, Edward D'Lorenzo, Sandra Sheeler, Edmund E. Villa, Jimmy Zavala, David McLaurin, Lee Thornberg, William 'Smitty' Smith, James Dale, John Menzano, Rick Marotta, Rene Zendejas, Thom Fountain, Dana Kelly, Kirk Knowlden, Douglas Seymour, Christopher D. Childers, Lisa Matthews, Pamela Pond, Cindyana Santangelo, Katariina Souri
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  • “- Ford Fairlane: Hey, look. Write down my number: 555-6321. Got it?
    - Twin Club Girl: Yeah. Wait a minute. 555 is not a real number. They only use that in the movies.
    - Ford Fairlane: No shit, honey. What do you think this is? Real life?”

    Andrew Dice Clay - Ford Fairlane
    [Tag:movie, telephone]
  • “- Ford Fairlane: Disco Express? They blew, dog. And that lead singer, he kinda looked like...
    - Lt. Amos: Like me, right?
    - Ford Fairlane: Yeah. I was gonna say he looked like shit, but... he looked like you.”

    Andrew Dice Clay - Ford Fairlane
    Ed O'Neill - Lt. Amos
  • “You got to shave before you leave the house in a dress like that... and I don't mean your legs.”
    Morris Day - Don Cleveland
    [Tag:body, clothes]
  • “I coulda been a fisherman. Fishermen, they get up, they fish, they sell fish, they smelt fish. Reminds me of this girl I used to go with, Yvonne, she smelled like fish.”
    Andrew Dice Clay - Ford Fairlane
    [Tag:fish, job, stink]
  • “- Ford Fairlane: How much?
    - Ticket Guy: 300.
    - Ford Fairlane: 300? You charged the chicks one.
    - Ticket Guy: Hey, they blew me.
    - Ford Fairlane: Heh. 300 coming up.”

    Andrew Dice Clay - Ford Fairlane
    [Tag:funeral, price, sex]
  • “Conversation with Zuzu Petals was like masturbating with a cheese grater: slightly amusing, but mostly painful.”
    Andrew Dice Clay - Ford Fairlane
  • “Why do I wish the music industry and the whole globe would just suck my dick, Tracy?!”
    Andrew Dice Clay - Ford Fairlane
    [Tag:sex, wishes]
  • “If you can't say something nice about someone, make sure they're out of the goddamn room!”

    Wayne Newton - Julian Grendel
  • Johnny was the only guy who could out-disgust me. When we were kids we had gross-out contests. I coughed a pile of phlegm on a table, he said "nice try" and pulled out a straw.
    Andrew Dice Clay - Ford Fairlane
  • “- Jazz: That weekend was a mistake.
    - Ford Fairlane: Hey, look. I'm sorry I made you clean the toilets and the bathtubs, I mean, who did all the work in bed?”

    Lauren Holly - Jazz
    Andrew Dice Clay - Ford Fairlane
    [Tag:mistake, sex]
  • “Come on, down boy. Down Stanley. Roseanne Barr naked. Gone.”

    Andrew Dice Clay - Ford Fairlane
  • “What's the definition of a vagina? The box a penis comes in.”
    Andrew Dice Clay - Ford Fairlane
  • “- Lt. Amos: You think you are so hot 'cos you get in all the clubs, heh? Just because you have sex with great looking women.
    - Ford Fairlane: You got to admit those are pretty good reasons.”

    Ed O'Neill - Lt. Amos
    Andrew Dice Clay - Ford Fairlane
  • “Damn, baby, I hope you signed some organ donor cards.”

    Andrew Dice Clay - Ford Fairlane
    [Tag:breast, death]
  • “1969 Fender Stratocaster, original pick-ups, maple neck, strung upside down for a left-handed motherfucking genius, Jimi Hendrix.”
    Andrew Dice Clay - Ford Fairlane
    [Tag:genius, musicians]
  • “- Colleen Sutton: Nothing disgusts me. At the age of eleven I walked in on my father and the Shetland pony. Does that excite you?
    - Ford Fairlane: I don't know, I never met your father.”

    Priscilla Presley - Colleen Sutton
    Andrew Dice Clay - Ford Fairlane