“Nearly as big as my dick... nearly as big as my dick... and twice as fucking hard!”

Rhys Ifans - Alex Madden

“- Jensen: Ohhhh... shit. She's got a gun and... it's pointed at my dick. Clay, it's pointed at my dick!
- Pooch: Would you rather it was pointed at your face?
- Jensen: I know it makes no sense, but yes!”

Chris Evans - Jensen
Columbus Short - Pooch

“Is that a dagger in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?”

Kristy McNichol - Mabel Stanley

- Angelica Chaste: Seems mine is bigger than yours.
- Stevie "The Rose" Rosellini: Size doesn't matter.
- Angelica Chaste: Oh, yes it does.
- Stevie "The Rose" Rosellini: You mean those girls have been lying to me all those years?

Sheryl Lee - Angelica Chaste
Jim Belushi - Stevie "The Rose" Rosellini

“- Amber: Who is this?
- Andre: I am Andre le Pate. I have big balls! And my ass breathes fire!”
Bridgette Wilson-Sampras - Amber
Christian Clavier - Andre