“One, if I lose, I'm gonna beat that ass. Two, if I lose, I'm gonna beat that ass. So pop two quarters in, pop tart, and let's get this game on, I'll be gettin' that ass!”

2Pac - Bishop

“- Texas Man: Am I going too fast for ya?
- Pistachio Disguisey: Am I going to fast for ya?
- Texas Wife: Are you mocking my husband?
- Pistachio Disguisey: Are you mocking my husband?
- Texas Wife: ‘Cuz you better not be.
- Pistachio Disguisey: ‘Cuz you better not be.”
Robert Machray - Texas Man
Dana Carvey - Pistachio Disguisey
Rachel Lederman - Texas Wife

“Pass, shoot, score!”
Chris Koch - Mark Pavelich

“- Margaret Wade: You guys are the boring ones. There's lots to do.
- Dennis Mitchell: Oh, really? Like what?
- Margaret Wade: We could practice singing songs. Or put on a play, or a puppet show.
- Joey: We could bury you alive.
- Margaret Wade: I could pound your face.”
Amy Sakasitz - Margaret Wade
Mason Gamble - Dennis Mitchell
Kellen Hathaway - Joey

“Gentleman, you know the ground rules. So shake hands and let's have a good, clean ballgame.”
Michael A. Lynch - Chief Umpire