“- Arnold B. Epstein: Why do you think I'm a homosexual?
- Eugene Morris Jerome: I guess it's because you never talk about girls.
- Arnold B. Epstein: I never talk about dogs either. Does that make me a cocker spaniel?”
Corey Parker - Arnold B. Epstein
Matthew Broderick - Eugene Morris Jerome

“- Steve Arlo: Why are we talking on the phone?
- Daryl Zero: I told you. We can't be too careful. Two guys in an airport... talking? It's a little fishy.”

Ben Stiller - Steve Arlo
Bill Pullman - Daryl Zero

“- Jamie: This is terrible. I can't believe this happened.
- Russ: Most humiliating experience of my life!
- Jamie: This is awful. This is the suckiest thing that could ever happen! The whole school thinks we're... gay!
- Russ: Don't be such a twerp! Our past histories speak for themselves. No one's going to think we're gay.”
Thomas Ballatore - Jamie
Skip Lackey - Russ

“- Kurt: What are you, a fag?
- Chris Briggs: My dads are gay, so shut the hell up.
- Kurt: Yeah, right! Gay guys can't have kids! They're too busy going to discos and having sex with each other. It's actually a pretty cool lifestyle.”
Adam Devine - Kurt
Alexander Ludwig - Chris Briggs

“- Cliff: You met her family? Think her family's gonna be okay that you're a white guy?
- Mickey: They think any woman over 30 who isn't married is a lesbian. She figures, they'll be so relieved that I'm a man...
- Cliff: Yeah, it's always heartwarming to see a prejudice defeated by a deeper prejudice.”

Stephen Mendillo - Cliff
Stephen J. Lang - Mikey