“- Yianni: Ian, if you're gonna be in this family, I get you some earplugs because the Portokalos women, if they're not nagging someone... They Die!
- Toula Portokalos: Ah, you're in so much trouble when I tell my sister!
- Athena: Tell me what?”
Peter Tharos - Yianni
Nia Vardalos - Toula Portokalos
Stavroula Logothettis - Athena

“- Henryk: I thought you only recruited boys with rich fathers. Look at my father, look at us.
- Itzak Heller: Yes, I'm looking at you, and that's why I'm here. Your whole family can have a better life. You want to go on struggling for survival, selling books on the street?
- Henryk: Yes, please.”
Ed Stoppard - Henryk
Roy Smiles - Itzak Heller

“- Tina: We're all famous - just like the Jackson family!
- Jimmy: Don't say that, Tina.”
Martha Plimpton - Tina
Mark Joy - Jimmy

“Signor Lassparri comes from a very famous family. His mother was a well-known bass singer. His father was the first man to stuff spaghetti with bicarbonate of soda, thus causing and curing indigestion at the same time.”
Groucho Marx - Otis B. Driftwood

“When a legend grows up around a man there is often no means of pruning it, even within his family.”
Jane Seymour Fonda On Henry Fonda