“Ladies and Gentlemen. I guess that takes in most of you. This is the opening of a new opera season, a season made possible by the generous checks of Mrs. Claypool.”
Groucho Marx - Otis B. Driftwood

“If we were interested in making money, we wouldn't have become teachers.”
Robin Williams - Professor Philip Brainard

“- Teacher: Oh, and Mr. Larkin, perhaps you'd like to share with the rest of the class, Patrick Henry's immortal last words?
- Link Larkin: Kiss my ass?”
Joe Parro - Teacher
Zac Efron - Link Larkin

“- Jake Fischer: It doesn't matter what I do. It's just not good enough.
- Emily Thomas: Maybe he's just trying to push you to be better. We teachers do that to the ones we believe in.”

Ashton Kutcher - Jake Fischer
Melissa Sagemiller - Emily Thomas

“I try to give them a little culture now and then so they don't beat each other to death with bicycle chains all the time.”

Woody Allen - David Dobel