“The last thing to determine conclusively is whether you're in a comedy or a tragedy. Tragedy, you die. Comedy, you get hitched.”
Dustin Hoffman - Professor Jules Hilbert

“Once you realize what a joke everything is, being the Comedian is the only thing that makes sense.”
Jeffrey Dean Morgan - Edward Blake

“Kids are great for a comedian, because kids are funny without even trying to be funny.”
Jeff Foxworthy - Jeff Foxworthy

“The equivalent for a normal person would be to go into work each day in your underwear and try and do your job that you normally do. All of a sudden you can't do anything. That's how a comedian feels when he's doing a new bit.”
Jerry Seinfeld - Himself

- Jack: What is it the comedian says when his jokes are going well? "I murdered that audience", "I killed 'em". "They screamed", "I broke 'em up".
- Sandy Bates: Yeah. So, what are you saying? Are you saying that someone like myself or Laurel and Hardy or Bob Hope are furious?
- Jack: Furious or latent homosexual.
John Rothman - Jack Abel
Woody Allen - Sandy Bates