Jerry Seinfeld quotes
“It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.”
“We're the only ones who make honey, pollinate flowers, and dress like this!”
“People don’t turn down money! It’s what separates us from the animals.”
“- Vanessa Bloome: My only interest is flowers.
- Barry B. Benson: You know, our last queen was elected with that very slogan.”
“Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.”
“- Vanessa Bloome: Why don't you just fly everywhere? Isn't it faster?
- Barry B. Benson: Flying is exhausting. Why don't you humans just run everywhere, isn't that faster?
- Vanessa Bloome: I see your point.”
“- Barry B. Benson: How about a suicide pact?
- Vanessa Bloome: How do we do it?
- Barry B. Benson: I'll sting you, you step on me.
- Vanessa Bloome: That just kills you twice.”
“- Vanessa Bloome: It's very hard to concentrate with that panicky tone in your voice.
- Barry B. Benson: It's not a tone, I'm panicking!”
“Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do 'practice'?”
Why do people give each other flowers? To celebrate various important occasions, they’re killing living creatures? Why restrict it to plants? "Sweetheart, let’s make up. Have this deceased squirrel".
“What is it about sleep that makes you so thirsty? Do dreams require liquid? It’s not like I’m running a marathon, I’m just lying there.”
“Hunger will make people do amazing things. I mean, the proof of that is cannibalism.”
“You know the message you’re sending out to the world with sweatpants? You’re telling the world: ‘I give up. I can’t compete in normal society. I’m miserable, so I might as well be comfortable.”