Jerry Seinfeld quotes
“It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.”
“We're the only ones who make honey, pollinate flowers, and dress like this!”
“- Vanessa Bloome: My only interest is flowers.
- Barry B. Benson: You know, our last queen was elected with that very slogan.”
“Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.”
“- Vanessa Bloome: Why don't you just fly everywhere? Isn't it faster?
- Barry B. Benson: Flying is exhausting. Why don't you humans just run everywhere, isn't that faster?
- Vanessa Bloome: I see your point.”
“- Barry B. Benson: How about a suicide pact?
- Vanessa Bloome: How do we do it?
- Barry B. Benson: I'll sting you, you step on me.
- Vanessa Bloome: That just kills you twice.”
“- Vanessa Bloome: It's very hard to concentrate with that panicky tone in your voice.
- Barry B. Benson: It's not a tone, I'm panicking!”
“Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do 'practice'?”
Why do people give each other flowers? To celebrate various important occasions, they’re killing living creatures? Why restrict it to plants? "Sweetheart, let’s make up. Have this deceased squirrel".
“The equivalent for a normal person would be to go into work each day in your underwear and try and do your job that you normally do. All of a sudden you can't do anything. That's how a comedian feels when he's doing a new bit.”
“You always get along when there's no possibility of sex.”
“My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty, and that's the law.”
“A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that
people are still thinking.”
“It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world
every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.”