Joke quotes37 joke quotes, film quotes, movie lines, taglines
“-22: I just use this voice because it annoys people.
-Joe: It’s very effective.”
“- Pope Benedict: In 1978, we had three popes.
- Cardinal Jorge Bergoglio: Yeah, but they weren't at the same time.
- Pope Benedict: I was making a little joke.
- Cardinal Jorge Bergoglio: A joke?
- Pope Benedict: A German joke. It doesn't have to be funny.”
“Young Emily-They were geneticists.
Young Lydia-Wait, wait. Both of them were like lady part doctors?
Young Emily-No, that’s a gynecologist. Geneticists are scientists who work on genes, including mutated ones.
Young Lydia-Oh. Yeah, I knew that. I’m like testing you.”
“Anders-What did you do to the dog?
Ove-That's not a dog. It looks like a winter boot with eyes.”
“Marcus Hamilton-This is what they call white man's intuition.
Alberto Parker-Sometimes a blind pig finds a truffle.”
“I haven’t encountered this much resistance since I tried to get Timothée Chalamet to go out into the sun.”
“Nothing in this world is easy, except pissing in the shower.”
“The Silver Surfer. He first appeared with the Fantastic Four and can travel at the speed of light and somehow nobody seems to notice that he’s completely naked.”
“Emily Donovan-Make sure you wear it while you’re in Moscow.
Greville Wynne-What does this do? Shoot poison darts?”
“Paintings are so passe. I call this a snapshot.”
“I know that I care, but do enough other people know that I care? ”
“Always hard to find, like love, Waldo, a good Chinese restaurant…”
“The only surprise I like is to not be surprised.”
“-Saul: It’s Kunta Kinte and Ebola.
-Clarence: The famine and Blood Diamond.
-Morris: Nelson Mandela and Winnie.
-Customer: Those hungry babies with flies on their face.
-Clarence: Hey. Woh. Woh. Woh. Woh. That’s too much now. You just stepped over the line now. ”
“Oh that says house appropriations. So close to mouse appropriations.”
“I don’t know if that is a noun, a verb, or an adjective describing my outfit.”
“I don’t owe them the fuzz off my peaches.”
“For a joke to work, it has to have part of truth and part of pain.”
“A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a drink. The bartender replies ‘for you, no charge’.”
“I am a horny engineer; I never joke about math or sex.”