Joke quotes74 joke quotes, film quotes, movie lines, taglines
“-22: I just use this voice because it annoys people.
-Joe: It’s very effective.”
“- Pope Benedict: In 1978, we had three popes.
- Cardinal Jorge Bergoglio: Yeah, but they weren't at the same time.
- Pope Benedict: I was making a little joke.
- Cardinal Jorge Bergoglio: A joke?
- Pope Benedict: A German joke. It doesn't have to be funny.”
“Norman Babcock-Is everyone alright? Nobody got bitten?
Neil-I bit my tongue, does that count?”
“Rita-What's wrong with you?
Jack-Let me think about that. I'll tell you the next time I see you.”
“Alan Harper-Money doesn't just fall from the sky.
Charlie Harper-Obviously you've never been sitting ringside when a pole dancer hangs upside down.
“We all want the shining red apple, but sometimes we got to settle for what's on the lower branch, or in some cases we take what's lying on the ground.”
“Eric Forman- Kelso, aren't you a little old to be stealing Donna's undies?
Michael Kelso-A collector never stops collecting, Eric.”
“When my time comes I want to be buried face down. That way whoever doesn't like me can kiss my ass.”
“So the doctor says, 'Listen, John, I've got some bad news and worse.' And John says, 'Oh, no. What's the bad news?' And he goes, 'Well, you've only got 24 hours to live.' John says, 'That's, that's awful. What could be worse than that?' Doctor says, 'Well, I've been trying to get ahold of you since yesterday.'”
“There's nothing wrong with an outside toilet, except on an aeroplane.”
“I have so much green under my fingernails, it looks like I had really good sex with Shrek.”
“I’m not interested in any labels unless it’s on something I shoplift.”
“Family is like fudge. It’s mostly sweet, but with a bunch of nuts.”
“So, my grandma Reynolds was always saying 'when life gives you lemons, make lemonade.' I wish she was still alive, because I'd really like to ask her what she suggests for when life gives you Chlamydia.”
“Elizabeth-So, we have an address, a dry cleaning ticket and a book of matches. You know what that means?
David-We could start a very small fire?”
“Oh, God, David, the felonies just keep pilin' up!”
“Yelena Belova-Ah, Natasha, can we throw him out the window now?
Natasha Romanoff-I think we should wait till we get to a higher altitude.”
“I hate it when things don't go my way. It makes me so horny.”
“Why are you wearing the hairnet? You’re bald.”