Joke quotes53 joke quotes, film quotes, movie lines, taglines
“-22: I just use this voice because it annoys people.
-Joe: It’s very effective.”
“- Pope Benedict: In 1978, we had three popes.
- Cardinal Jorge Bergoglio: Yeah, but they weren't at the same time.
- Pope Benedict: I was making a little joke.
- Cardinal Jorge Bergoglio: A joke?
- Pope Benedict: A German joke. It doesn't have to be funny.”
“Why are you wearing the hairnet? You’re bald.”
“What’s the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle? The vacuum cleaner has the dirtbag on the inside.”
“Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt? Because deep down, they’re really good people.”
“What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer? An offer you can’t understand.”
“What’s the difference between a tick and a lawyer? The tick falls off when you’re dead!”
“When life gives you lemonade, make lemons. Life will be all, ‘Whaaat?'”
“Summer-You were in the comic book club?
Seth-Yeah. I was the president and only member.”
“Well then get your shit together, get it all together and put it in a back pack, all your shit, so it's together. And if you gotta take it some where, take it somewhere, you know, take it to the shit store and sell it, or put it in the shit museum. I don't care what you do, you just gotta get it together. Get your shit together.”
“You and Unity are like... like leggings and mid-calf boots. You think you're great together, but you're just bringing out the worst in each other.”
“Typical Vegas. Even the suicides are fake.”
“Sam Wilson-You're a lot heavier than you look.
Steve Rogers-I had a big breakfast.”
“Gamora-And Quill, your ship is filthy.
Peter Quill-Oh she has no idea. If I had a blacklight, this would look like a Jackson Pollock painting.”
“Young Emily-They were geneticists.
Young Lydia-Wait, wait. Both of them were like lady part doctors?
Young Emily-No, that’s a gynecologist. Geneticists are scientists who work on genes, including mutated ones.
Young Lydia-Oh. Yeah, I knew that. I’m like testing you.”
“Anders-What did you do to the dog?
Ove-That's not a dog. It looks like a winter boot with eyes.”
“Marcus Hamilton-This is what they call white man's intuition.
Alberto Parker-Sometimes a blind pig finds a truffle.”
“I haven’t encountered this much resistance since I tried to get Timothée Chalamet to go out into the sun.”
“Nothing in this world is easy, except pissing in the shower.”
“The Silver Surfer. He first appeared with the Fantastic Four and can travel at the speed of light and somehow nobody seems to notice that he’s completely naked.”
“Emily Donovan-Make sure you wear it while you’re in Moscow.
Greville Wynne-What does this do? Shoot poison darts?”