“- Amber: Who is this?
- Andre: I am Andre le Pate. I have big balls! And my ass breathes fire!”
Bridgette Wilson-Sampras - Amber
Christian Clavier - Andre

“- Stefan Vanderhoof: They had the same prance, the same rhythm, it was like they were two members of the same body.
- Scott Donlan: I knew a guy who had two members on the same body, dated him for about a half hour, got so exhausted. I'm sorry, go on, you were telling a story?”

Michael McKean - Stefan Vanderhoof
John Michael Higgins - Scott Donlan

“Legs are a little rubbery after all that time sitting here. Why don't you roll me inside? We'll get the nurse take the catheter out of me. I wanna see if my lizard's still spitting straight.”
Jim Carrey - Lloyd Christmas

“- Police Inspector: You idiot... that's a man!
- Labisse: That's not possible.
- Police Inspector: Oh yeah? Well when I walked in, the person in that room was naked from the waist down, and if that was a woman, then she was wearing the greatest disguise that I have ever seen.”

Geoffrey Beevers - Police Inspector
Peter Arne - Labisse

“- Bridget Gregory: Is it true what they say?
- Harlan: What?
- Bridget Gregory: You know, size?
- Harlan: Is it true what they say about white women?
- Bridget Gregory: What's that?
- Harlan: No ass.”
Linda Fiorentino - Bridget Gregory
Bill Nunn - Harlan