“Smooth as an android's bottom.”

Jonathan Frakes - William Riker

“They're bigger! They're stronger! They're faster! They've got more facial hair!”

Matt Doherty - Lester Averman

“- Bearded Lady: Hey, baby. You ever had a chick with a beard before?
- Mitch Weaver: Can't say that I have there, bearded broad.
- Bearded Lady: Well, then, sugar, you haven't lived.
- Mitch Weaver: Note to self: I don't want to live.”
Rebecca Romijn - Bearded Lady
Norm MacDonald - Mitch Weaver

“- Vladimir Ivanoff: You don't look like marxist.
- Veronica Cohen: I'm not. I'm a humanist. What does a marxist look like anyway?
- Vladimir Ivanoff: Usually has beard, mustache.
- Veronica Cohen: A-ha, the women too?
- Vladimir Ivanoff: In Russia, especially women.”
Robin Williams - Vladimir Ivanoff
Stephanie Cotsirilos - Veronica Cohen

“There was a peculiar sound, and Xi saw a most amazing animal approaching. Its legs went around instead of up and down. And there was a weird-looking god on its back. He wore blue skin on his head and red on his body. And hair grew on his face.”

Paddy O'Byrne - Narrator