“- Maurice Doyle: Daddy, where's the carriages?
- Desmond Doyle: Santa was a bit strapped for cash this year. Costs a lot of money to feed those elves, you know.”

Hugh McDonagh - Maurice Doyle
Pierce Brosnan - Desmond Doyle

“Hello? Who? Oh. Listen, bitch, I'll get the kid a few toys for Christmas, so don't bug me! Yeah, I know it's only a few days till Christmas, what do you think? Think I live under a rock or something?”

Bob Jones - Grover

How about these stupid letters from kids to Santa at the North Pole: "Dear Santa, Can you send me a bike and a slinky?" No! Your father's been laid off!
Sinbad - Myron Larabee

“- Agnes Smith: Rose, what did you get me for Christmas?
- Rose Smith: You'll find out tomorrow.
- Agnes Smith: I hope it's a hunting knife!”
Joan Carroll - Agnes Smith
Lucille Bremer - Rose Smith

“- Carol: Someone tracked down and bought all those wonderful antique toys.
- Scott Calvin: Probably someone that knows his way around eBay.”

Elizabeth Mitchell - Carol
Tim Allen - Scott Calvin