“- Miles Russell: You have much more hair in your nose than my dad.
- Buck Russell: How nice of you to notice.
- Miles Russell: I'm a kid, that's my job.”
Macaulay Culkin - Miles Russell
John Candy - Buck Russell

“Are you a real red head? Are you real? How can I find out if this is your real red hair? If this is the same red hair you have on your, uh, your... your... these eyebrows.”

Matt Dillon - Dallas Winston

“- Student: Nice wig, Janis. What's it made of?
- Janis Ian: Your mom's chest hair!”
Lizzy Caplan - Janis Ian

“- Farmer: I can tell you one thing about them founding fathers of America.
- Sheriff Dollard: What's that?
- Farmer: They sure had fabulous wigs.”
Chris Penn - Sheriff Dollard

“You look so good with blond hair and black roots its like not even funny.”
Lisa Kudrow - Michele Weinberger