“- Daphne Blake: Those zombies are just the poor souls you drained! They were just trying to warn us so that we wouldn't suffer the same fate they did!
- Simone Lenoir: Pretty smart for a televisionreporter.”
Mary Kay Bergman - Daphne Blake
Adrienne Barbeau - Simone Lenoir

“Spare him, my lord Rayden. American life has enfeebled his mind. Too much television.”
Lloyd Kino - Grandfather

- Buffy Gilmore: Hey do you think the press is gonna wanna talk to us?
- Brenda Meeks: Oh please. The press only wanna interview the most ignorant person they find.
- Shorty Meeks: I'm on T.V. Oh shit, first "Cops" now this. I'm gonna be a star, son.
Shannon Elizabeth - Buffy Gilmore
Regina Hall - Brenda Meeks
Marlon Wayans - Shorty Meeks

“Am I being punk’d? Oh my god! Ashton, you really got me! Ha Ha! Ashton! Ashton?”
Anna Faris - Samantha James

“- Robbie Freeling: Why can't we get a TV, like everybody else.
- Steve Freeling: No! No, we can't get a TV.
- Robbie Freeling: Great! I'll just have to grow up retarded!
- Steve Freeling: Come on, Rob! Kids don't grow up retarder because of lack of television.”
Oliver Robins - Robbie Freeling
Craig T. Nelson - Steve Freeling