“- Harry Sanborn: I've never seen a woman that age naked before.
- Julian Mercer: You're kidding.
- Harry Sanborn: We're not all doctors.”

Jack Nicholson - Harry Sanborn
Keanu Reeves - Julian Mercer

“- Patcha: There's two people in there looking for you.
- Kuzco: Who?
- Pacha: A big guy and a skinny old woman.
- Kuzco: Wait, was this woman scary beyond all reason?”
John Goodman - Patcha
David Spade - Kuzco

“- Duckie: You know what an older women does for me?
- Iona: Changes your diapers?
- Duckie: Touché.”
Jon Cryer - Duckie
Annie Potts - Iona

“It's a funny thing about you women, most of you don't get wise soon enough! You wait until you're so old, nobody wants ya.”
Wallace Ford - Phroso

“- Dean Kansky: British women do not age well. Eight years ago she was a luscious treat, you know, she probably looked like, you know, Baby Spice, now she could look like...
- Jonathan Trager: Old Spice.”
Jeremy Piven - Dean Kansky
John Cusack - Jonathan Trager