Old age quotes

“Retirement at 65 is ridiculous. When I was 65 I still had pimples.”
George Burns

“Old age is not so bad when you consider the alternatives.”
Maurice Chevalier

“First you are young; then you are middle-aged; then you are old; then you are wonderful.”
Diana Cooper

- Howard: Death came first. She met me in the dog park.
- Madeline: Oh, so Death is a "her"?
- Howard: Uh, yeah. It turns out Death is an elderly white woman.
Will Smith - Howard
Naomie Harris - Madeline

“Three things to remember when you get older: never pass up a bathroom, never waste a hard-on, and never trust a fart.”
Jack Nicholson - Edward

“- Dean Kansky: British women do not age well. Eight years ago she was a luscious treat, you know, she probably looked like, you know, Baby Spice, now she could look like...
- Jonathan Trager: Old Spice.”
Jeremy Piven - Dean Kansky
John Cusack - Jonathan Trager

“Your sixties you have a major surgery, the music is still loud but it doesn't matter because you can't hear it anyway. Seventies, you and the wife retire to Fort Lauderdale, you start eating dinner at two, lunch around ten, breakfast the night before. And you spend most of your time wandering around malls looking for the ultimate in soft yogurt...” (continue)(continue reading)
Billy Crystal - Mitch Robbins

“Romance is about the possibility of the thing. You see, it's about the time between when you first meet the woman, and when you first make love to her. When you first ask a woman to marry you, and when she says I do. When people who’ve been together a long time say that the romance is gone, what they're really saying is they've exhausted the...” (continue)(continue reading)
Larenz Tate - Darius Lovehall

“- Hub: We're old, damnit! Leave us alone!
- Garth: The last thing we need is some little sissy boy hanging around all summer.”
Robert Duvall - Hub
Sir Michael Caine - Garth

If any of you sons of bitches calls me “grandpa”, I'll kill you.
Sam Elliott - Sgt. Maj. Basil Plumley

- Bud Fox: Did mom give you fish for dinner?
- Carl Fox: Spaghetti! Your mother still makes lousy spaghetti.
- Bud Fox: It's called "pasta" now, dad. "Spaghetti" is out of date.
- Carl Fox: So am I.
Charlie Sheen - Bud Fox
Martin Sheen - Carl Fox

What are they gonna put on your tombstone? "Here lies a man, 27 years old. He died, but he ain't no punk." Hey man, that's bullshit. Ok? You know when you die? When you're 89... got your children and your grandchildren around the bed... that's cool. It ain't cool to die at 27.
Richard Pryor - Sugar Ray

“- Grandma Georgina: You smell like peanuts. I love peanuts.
- Willy Wonka: Oh, thank you. You smell like... old people. And soap. I like it.”
Liz Smith - Grandma Georgina
Johnny Depp - Willy Wonka

“- Kim: Snuggle in, sweetie. It's cold out there.
- Granddaughter: Why is it snowing, Grandma?
- Kim: Oh, that's a long story.
- Granddaughter: I want to hear.
- Kim: Oh, not tonight. Go to sleep.
- Granddaughter: I'm not sleepy. Tell me, please?
- Kim: Well, all right. Let's see...I guess it would have to start with scissors.
-...” (continue)(continue reading)
Winona Ryder - Kim
Gina Gallagher - Granddaughter

“- Matilda: I thought grown-ups weren't afraid of anything.
- Miss Honey: Quite the contrary. All grown-ups get scared, just like children.”
Mara Wilson - Matilda
Embeth Davidtz - Miss Honey

“- Nursing Home Orderly: Good news, everybody, we're extending arts and crafts time by four hours today.
- Elderly Woman: My fingers hurt.
- Nursing Home Orderly: What's that?
- Elderly Woman: My fingers hurt.
- Nursing Home Orderly: Oh, well, now your back's gonna hurt, 'cause you just pulled landscaping duty. Anybody else's fingers hurt?... I...” (continue)(continue reading)
Ben Stiller - Orderly in Nursing Home
Betty Linde - Elderly Woman

“- Grandma: Sir, can I trouble you for a glass of warm milk? It helps me go to sleep.
- Nursing Home Orderly: You can trouble me for a warm glass of shut-the-hell-up! Now, you will go to sleep! Or I will put you to sleep. Check out the name tag. You're in my world now, grandma!”
Frances Bay - Grandma
Ben Stiller - Orderly in Nursing Home

“- Miss Graveley: How old do you think I am young man?
- Sam Marlowe: Hmm... fifty. How old do you think you are?
- Miss Graveley: Forty-two! I can show you my birth certificate.
- Sam Marlowe: I'm afraid you're going to have to show more than your birth certificate to convince a man of that.”
Mildred Natwick - Miss Ivy Gravely
John Forsythe - Sam Marlowe

“- Bobby Riggs: I'm the ladies number one. I'm the champ. Why would I lose?
- Billie Jean King: Because dinosaurs can't play tennis.”
Steve Carrell - Bobby Riggs
Emma Stone - Billie Jean King

“Never trust old men, old show men, old wankers!”
Anita Pallenberg - Pherber

“- Chas: Why don't you - play us a tune, pal?
- Turner: I don't like music.
- Chas: Comical little geezer. You'll look funny when your fifty.”
James Fox - Chas
Mick Jagger - Turner

“- Maney Gault: You came all the way up to the house, what changed your mind?
- Frank Hamer: I don't know, maybe seeing you move like you're 85.
- Maney Gault: Well, that honest. Maybe a little too honest.”
Woody Harrelson - Maney Gault
Kevin Costner - Frank Hamer

“- Tigrero, a.k.a. Loco: Can't a man provide for his old age?
- Sheriff Burnett: I don't think you're gonna make it.”
Klaus Kinski - Tigrero
Frank Wolff - Sheriff Gideon Burnett

“- Arthur: Of course it's not working. It's been sitting here gathering dust since before the Sahara was a desert!
- Mera: Before the Sahara was a desert... You do your best thinking when you're not thinking at all.”

Jason Momoa - Arthur
Amber Heard - Mera

“I like old people. They're crazy!”
Carroll Baker - Baby Doll Meighan