Old age quotes322 old age quotes, film quotes, movie lines, taglines
“Retirement at 65 is ridiculous. When I was 65 I still had pimples.”
“Old age is not so bad when you consider the alternatives.”
“First you are young; then you are middle-aged; then you are old; then you are wonderful.”
“Face it ladies, I'm older and I have more insurance.”
- Howard: Death came first. She met me in the dog park.
- Madeline: Oh, so Death is a "her"?
- Howard: Uh, yeah. It turns out Death is an elderly white woman.
“Three things to remember when you get older: never pass up a bathroom, never waste a hard-on, and never trust a fart.”
“- Dean Kansky: British women do not age well. Eight years ago she was a luscious treat, you know, she probably looked like, you know, Baby Spice, now she could look like...
- Jonathan Trager: Old Spice.”
“Your sixties you have a major surgery, the music is still loud but it doesn't matter because you can't hear it anyway. Seventies, you and the wife retire to Fort Lauderdale, you start eating dinner at two, lunch around ten, breakfast the night before. And you spend most of your time wandering around malls looking for the ultimate in soft yogurt...” (continue)(continue reading)
“You hit 41 and you don't burn calories like you used to.”
“Romance is about the possibility of the thing. You see, it's about the time between when you first meet the woman, and when you first make love to her. When you first ask a woman to marry you, and when she says I do. When people who’ve been together a long time say that the romance is gone, what they're really saying is they've exhausted the...” (continue)(continue reading)
“I'm too old for this shit!”
“- John Gustafson: Did you hear, someone moved into the old Klickner place? A woman.
- John Gustafson: Yeah.
- Grandpa Gustafson: Did you mount her?
- John Gustafson: Oh, Dad!
- Grandpa Gustafson: Well the woman, does she have big thighs?
- John Gustafson: No!
- Grandpa Gustafson: No? Then what's the problem? If I was a young fella like you, I'd...” (continue)(continue reading)
- Granny Klump: The other day I got out of the shower, I bent down to reach for a towel and I felt a sharp pain in my chest. Shot through my chest and up around my shoulder and down my spine. I thought "Oh, Lord". I thought I was dying. I bent over and looked, and I was standing on my own titty.
- Mama Klump: You don't need a breast reduction,... (continue)(continue reading)
“If it isn't the world's oldest living Negro! Hey, how are things going on the Underground Railroad, Isaac?”
What are they gonna put on your tombstone? "Here lies a man, 27 years old. He died, but he ain't no punk." Hey man, that's bullshit. Ok? You know when you die? When you're 89... got your children and your grandchildren around the bed... that's cool. It ain't cool to die at 27.
“- Kim: Snuggle in, sweetie. It's cold out there.
- Granddaughter: Why is it snowing, Grandma?
- Kim: Oh, that's a long story.
- Granddaughter: I want to hear.
- Kim: Oh, not tonight. Go to sleep.
- Granddaughter: I'm not sleepy. Tell me, please?
- Kim: Well, all right. Let's see...I guess it would have to start with scissors.
-...” (continue)(continue reading)
“- Matilda: I thought grown-ups weren't afraid of anything.
- Miss Honey: Quite the contrary. All grown-ups get scared, just like children.”
“- Nursing Home Orderly: Good news, everybody, we're extending arts and crafts time by four hours today.
- Elderly Woman: My fingers hurt.
- Nursing Home Orderly: What's that?
- Elderly Woman: My fingers hurt.
- Nursing Home Orderly: Oh, well, now your back's gonna hurt, 'cause you just pulled landscaping duty. Anybody else's fingers hurt?... I...” (continue)(continue reading)
“Christopher Robin-I've cracked.
Winnie The Pooh-Oh, I don't see any cracks. A few wrinkles, maybe.”