“- Peter Mitchell: The champ caught Smith with a savage left hook...
- Michael Kellam: What are you reading her?
- Peter Mitchell: It doesn't matter what I read, it's the tone you use. She doesn't understand the words anyway, now where were we?”

Tom Selleck - Peter Mitchell
Steve Guttenberg - Michael Kellam

“See all those words printed in a line one after the other? Put them all together, and you have a story.”
Tom Hanks - Captain Kidd

“- Vann: Well, I think one thing you guys oughta learn is that the story's mine, it belongs to me, so I think I'll tell it my way.
- Graves: No matter which fucking way you tell it, gas chamber is where you're headed, Siegert.”
Owen Wilson - Vann
Dennis Haysbert - Graves

“- Mickey: [reading Dennis a story] How can a train grow?
- Dennis Mitchell: He eats all his coal and gets plenty of sleep.
- Mickey: And what's the point of reading lies?
- Dennis Mitchell: It teaches kids to eat all their food, and go to bed when they're supposed to.”
Devin Ratray - Mickey
Mason Gamble - Dennis Mitchell

“- Roy O'Bannon: So who are you?
- Chon Wang: I'm an Imperial Guard to the Emperor of China.
- Roy O'Bannon: China... what's with the book?
- Chon Wang: The book belongs to Princess Pei Pei. She was kidnapped from the Forbidden City.
- Roy O'Bannon: I like that, Forbidden City, a princess, kidnapped! It's so mysterious.”
Owen Wilson - Roy O'Bannon
Jackie Chan - Chon Wang