“For future reference, right-handed men don't hold it with their left. Just one of those things.”
Xander Berkeley - Dr. Lamar

“- Lady Lou: Those absolutely necessary? You know I wasn't born with them.
- Captain Cummings: No. A lot of men would've been safer if you had.
- Lady Lou: Oh, I don't know hands ain't everything.”

Mae West - Lady Lou
Cary Grant - Captain Cummings

“We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.”
Lily Tomlin

“- Martin: You love me! Has there been a day in the last five years that we haven't talked?
- Liz: But you're more like a gay friend than a boyfriend.
- Martin: But I'm not gay!”
Daniel Brocklebank - Martin
Thora Birch - Liz

“I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!”
John Candy - Barf