- Sergeant Clifton Sleigh: I'm investigating...
- Prof. Auguste Balls: Of course you're investigating! You're a policeman. I knew that the moment you walked into my emporium: your courage, your alertness, the way your eyes take in everything. I immediately said to myself "Balls, this is a policeman's policeman".
Ted Wass - Sergeant Clifton Sleigh
Harvey Korman - Prof. Auguste Balls

“Do you believe in premonitions? When a black wave breaks over you and you suddenly know something terrible's going to happen? In my ears was the screeching of brakes, of tires taking a wild curve, before my eyes, with the foot on the gas pedal, pressing it down.”
Charles Boyer - Georges Iscovescu

- Joel Goodson: Is this Guido guy... he's your "manager"?
- Lana: That's right.
- Joel Goodson: Or a pimp?
- Lana: Now, that's quick, Joel. Have you always been this quick or is this something new?
Tom Cruise - Joel
Rebecca De Mornay - Lana

“- May: Donald, there is something bothering you, isn't there?
- Donald: You know May, you have a definite grab for the obvious.”
Claire Ginsberg - May
Jackie Vernon - Donald

“- Sonny: I've come to get Kira.
- Male Heavenly Voice: She's not leaving - it's impossible!
- Male Heavenly Voice, Sonny [in unison]: That's what you think!
- Sonny: How did you know I was going to say that?
- Male Heavenly Voice: Put it this way - I'm a good guesser!”
Michael Beck - Sonny Malone
Wilfrid Hyde-White - Heavenly Voice - Male