“- New Mother: Is it a boy or a girl?
- Obstretrician: Now I think it's a bit early to start imposing roles on it, don't you?”
Graham Arthur Chapman - Obstretrician

“Sex is the sewer drain of a healthy body, sir! Any use of the sexual act other than procreation is a waste of vital energy! Wasted seeds are wasted lives!”
Philip Anthony Hopkins - Dr. John Harvey Kellogg

- Dr. Alex Hesse: I've noticed that the side effects of pregnancy are greatly amplified... With the dosage of Expectane that l've required. The morning sickness, the mood swings. Sleepiness, sexual appetite.
- Dr. Larry Arbogast: Sexual appetite?
- Dr. Alex Hesse: Yesterday, just scooping the middle out of a honeydew melon gave me a... a "Steifen".
Arnold Schwarzenegger - Dr. Alex Hesse
Danny DeVito - Dr. Larry Arbogast

“- Dr. Diana Reddin: Do you have your own room?
- Dr. Alex Hesse: Yes. Why?
- Dr. Diana Reddin: Well, call me old-fashioned, but I'll be damned if I'm having a child with a man I've never even slept with.”
Emma Thompson - Dr. Diana Reddin
Arnold Schwarzenegger - Dr. Alex Hesse

“Don't have sex, because you will get pregnant and die! Don't have sex in the missionary position, don't have sex standing up, just don't do it, ok, promise?”
Dwayne Hill - Coach Carr