“Don't have sex, because you will get pregnant and die! Don't have sex in the missionary position, don't have sex standing up, just don't do it, ok, promise?”
Dwayne Hill - Coach Carr

“- New Mother: Is it a boy or a girl?
- Obstretrician: Now I think it's a bit early to start imposing roles on it, don't you?”
Graham Arthur Chapman - Obstretrician

“- 'Goody' Nelson: How do worms copulate?
- Jackie Willow: They don't, Sergeant-Major; they use asexual reproduction.
- 'Goody' Nelson: Interesting concept! Tell me, Willow - any idea who first came up with that notion: reproducing without sex?
- Jackie Willow: Your wife, Sergeant-Major?”
James Earl Jones - Goody' Nelson
D.B. Sweeney - Jackie Willow

“- Meg: I've been taking my temperature and I know I'm ovulating right now. The ground is ready, I just need someone to plant the seed.
- Sarah: Yeah, but who's going to be the lucky farmer?”
Mary Kay Place - Meg
Glenn Close - Sarah

“- Dave: You mean we might be a father?
- Dad: No. I might be a father. And your mom might be a mother. And you might be a brother. See, that way I keep it all in the family.
- Moocher: Wow! I didn't think people your age still...
- Dad: The next word may be your last, kid!”
Dennis Christopher - Dave
Paul Dooley - Dad
Jackie Earle Haley - Moocher