“Why do you bother helping people, huh? It doesn't do any good.”

Matt Dillon - Dallas Winston

“- Interviewer: Tell me. Joe or Joseph, why do you want to be a doctor?
- Joe Slovak: That's easy. I want to help people.
- Interviewer: Come one Joe, you can be honest with me. Why do you want to be a doctor?
- Joe Slovak: Well, uh, I want to make lots of money.”
Matthew Modine - Joe Slovak

“- Walker: Why do you wanna be a doctor anyhow?
- Chris Hammond: So I can help people.
- Walker: How? By keeping them alive today so you can prolong their misery until tomorrow?”
John Turturro - Walker
Rob McElhenney - Chris Hammond

“My doctor totally messes up my nose job. I ask him to make me looked like Gwyneth Paltrow, I get off the surgery table looking life freakin' Shrek.”
Shawn Wayans - Kevin Copeland

- Dr. Kersten: Funky, buttloving!
- George: Did he say "funky buttloving?"
Ross Lehman - Dr. Kersten
Patrick LaBrecque - George