“I've done nothing to deserve this anguish.”

Richard Stephen Dreyfuss - Jay Trotter

“Sex alleviates tension and love causes it.”
Woody Allen - Andrew

“- Haley Sullivan: And I wanna get it on with three guys at the same time, 'cause I can!
- Claire Foster: Three guys at once? That's a nightmare. That is literally a recurring stress dream that I have. I can only think of jobs for two. Oh, no, I got it.
- Haley Sullivan: Yeah, there's that one.”
Kristen Wiig - Haley Sullivan
Tina Fey - Claire Foster

“- Jim Levenstein: What are you doing here?
- Stifler's Brother: Pussy, man. I'm here for the pussy.
- Jim Levenstein: Take a number.”
Jason Biggs - Jim Levenstein
Eli Marienthal - Stifler's Brother

“- Daniel McMann: Are you ready? Cause I'm ready!
- Carla Tate: No Daniel, uh, I'm not ready.
- Daniel McMann: Ohh.
- Carla Tate: I was thinking we could wait 'til the next holiday cause holidays are special.
- Daniel McMann: Oh cause I feel special right now Carla.”
Giovanni Ribisi - Danny
Juliette Lewis - Carla