“I've done nothing to deserve this anguish.”

Richard Stephen Dreyfuss - Jay Trotter

“Sex alleviates tension and love causes it.”
Woody Allen - Andrew

“- Haley Sullivan: And I wanna get it on with three guys at the same time, 'cause I can!
- Claire Foster: Three guys at once? That's a nightmare. That is literally a recurring stress dream that I have. I can only think of jobs for two. Oh, no, I got it.
- Haley Sullivan: Yeah, there's that one.”
Kristen Wiig - Haley Sullivan
Tina Fey - Claire Foster

“- Lisa Provolone: I want Oscar.
- Angelo 'Snaps' Provolone: I want him more than you do. But he's on the lam and Anthony's taking the rap for him.
- Lisa Provolone: Thank you very much. Whatever happened to love? Whatever happened to romance?
- Angelo 'Snaps' Provolone: Whatever happened to waiting till the wedding night?”
Marisa Tomei - Lisa Provolone
Sylvester Stallone - Angelo 'Snaps' Provolone

“I'm sorry I can't be more optimistic, Doctor, but we've got a long road ahead of us. It's like having sex. It's a painstaking and arduous task that seems to go on and on forever, and just when you think things are going your way, nothing happens.”

Leslie William Nielsen - Frank Drebin