“- Paige Prescott: Relationships don't make U-turns and Adam's a drunk.
- Kate Davies: He's not a drunk. He's a borderline addictive personality who happens to like alcohol a lot.”

Denise Richards - Paige Prescott
Marley Shelton - Kate Davies

“I never said family don't break up. Don't you watch Oprah?”
Damon Wayans - Maj. Benson Payne

“Since when is being a slut a crime in this family?”
Sandra Bullock - Sally Owens

“- Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Sr.: Everybody in my family is a comedian.
- Mae Thompson: Everybody except you.”
Matt Frewer - Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Sr.
Kristine Sutherland - Mae Thompson

“Every family got someone whose got a screw loose.”
Charles S. Dutton - Willis Richland