“Major Payne” quotes

(1995)
Movie Major Payne
Title Major Payne
Year 1995
Director Nick Castle
Genre Comedy, Adventure, Family
Plot – Major Benson Payne joined the Army aware that he would have never be involved in an act of war. He has a rigid military mentality and he is the boogeyman of the whole army. When a group of recruits arrives, Benson is eager to teach them his training methods.
All actors – Damon Wayans, Michael Ironside, Scott Bigelow, Joseph Blaire, Orlando Brown, Peyton Chesson-Fohl, Stephen Coleman, Mark Conway, David DeHart, Joshua Todd Diveley, Robert Faraoni Jr., Michael Gabel
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  • “- Cadet Alex Stone: It's slippery!
    - Maj. Benson Payne: Slippery he says. You think Charlie cares anything about slippery? The only thing he knows is to slip your throat. What if this were a life or death situation?
    - Cadet Alex Stone: But it's not a life or death situation.
    - Maj. Benson Payne: [pulls out grenade and pulls the pin] It is now.”

    Steven Martini - Cadet Alex Stone
    Damon Wayans - Maj. Benson Payne
    [Tag:danger]
  • “- Emily Walburn: Apparently he had a little accident.
    - Maj. Benson Payne: Apparently he pissed all over the front of his pants.
    - Emily Walburn: Well maybe that's because he's six.
    - Maj. Benson Payne: Because he's six? Woman, when I was six years old I had a full time job.”

    Karyn Parsons - Emily Walburn
    Damon Wayans - Maj. Benson Payne
  • - Maj. Benson Payne: Maybe I like you.
    - Emily Walburn: Just like?
    - Maj. Benson Payne: Maybe I like you a lot.
    - Emily Walburn: That's it?
    - Maj. Benson Payne: Don't push the "maybes", baby.

    Damon Wayans - Maj. Benson Payne
    Karyn Parsons - Emily Walburn
    [Tag:love]
  • “Killing is my business, and business is good!”
    Damon Wayans - Maj. Benson Payne
    [Tag:business, killing]
  • “You know there ain't no pets allowed on this premises, Mr. Ace Ventura.”

    Damon Wayans - Maj. Benson Payne
    [Tag:blindness, dogs]
  • “- Emily Walburn: Major Payne, can you please help me to understand why you shaved the children bald?
    - Maj. Benson Payne: Oh, that's my little incentive program. These boys have to earn their do... their hair-do that is. Heh, heh, heh.”

    Karyn Parsons - Emily Walburn
    Damon Wayans - Maj. Benson Payne
  • “- Emily Walburn: And I call you an insecure, overbearing, psychopathic, edictorial, ego maniacal, frigid lunatic asshole!
    - Maj. Benson Payne: I ain't frigid.”

    Karyn Parsons - Emily Walburn
    Damon Wayans - Maj. Benson Payne
    [Tag:insult]
  • “I never said family don't break up. Don't you watch Oprah?”
    Damon Wayans - Maj. Benson Payne
  • “- Emily Walburn: How about you? Was there ever a Ms. Payne?
    - Maj. Benson Payne: Negative. I figure if the Marines wanted me to have a wife, they would've issued me one.”

    Karyn Parsons - Emily Walburn
    Damon Wayans - Maj. Benson Payne
    [Tag:army, wife]
  • “You'll get no sympathy from me! You want sympathy, look in the dictionary between shit and syphilis!”
    Damon Wayans - Maj. Benson Payne
    [Tag:sympathy, words]
  • “- Maj. Benson Payne: Here I got somethin' for ya. [puts a piece of metal in Emily Walburn's hand]
    - Emily Walburn: What is it?
    - Maj. Benson Payne: A bullet. It's somethin' special. It's from my heart.
    - Emily Walburn: Really? Well, where did you get it?
    - Maj. Benson Payne: From my heart, left ventricle; took it out myself with a field knife.”

    Damon Wayans - Maj. Benson Payne
    Karyn Parsons - Emily Walburn
    [Tag:gift, heart]
  • “- Maj. Benson Payne: General, surely there must be somebody left who needs some killing, or some killing done for them.
    - Gen. Decker: Sorry, Major. There's nobody left. You've killed them all.”

    Damon Wayans - Maj. Benson Payne
    Albert Hall - Gen. Decker
    [Tag:killing]
  • “I tell ya, ladies, you're the prettiest cadets under my command. I oughta change my name to Pimp Daddy Payne.”

    Damon Wayans - Maj. Benson Payne
    [Tag:clothes, name]
Highlights