“- Rick Gassko: Diagnoses?
- Dr. Stan Gassko: Medically speaking?
- Rick Gassko: Yes.
- Dr. Stan Gassko: Whacked out of his brains on drugs.”
Tom Hanks - Rick Gassko
William Tepper - Dr. Stan Gassko

“- Lex: Just because she's a female gynecologist, doesn't mean she's a lesbian. And even if she was, at least my mom didn't give birth to me while she was on LSD.
- Trip: 'Shrooms!”
Giuseppe Andrews - Lex
James DeBello - Trip

“Laudanum is a derivative of opium. Apart from doctors and addicts, not many would be able to detect it. How long have you been chasing the dragon, Inspector?”
Sir Ian Holm - Sir William Gull

“- Dr. Bronson: I'm afraid I have some bad news. Your boy is very sick. He's lost a massive amount of blood, and his pulse and retinal response are poor, and as you can see there's an axe sticking out of his head.
- Big Chuck: He's not sick, you idiot, he's dead!
- Dr. Bronson: Oh, everybody's a doctor. You think maybe I could make the diagnosis?”
Austin Pendleton - Dr. Bronson
Paul Dooley - Big Chuck

“I'm dying. I know this because my physician has stopped talking about my health and begun discussing the weather.”
Albert Finney - Uncle Henry