“Bring Tania over here. Marry her. What's wrong with her? When I say marry her, you damn well do it. Be nice to her, pressure off my fucking head. Your penis works, doesn't it? Get going!”

Saeed Jaffrey - Uncle Nasser

“A piece of advice. Never hurl in front of your woman. Something to live by.”
Paul Hogan - Porter Ricks

“- Sheldon Flender: I'm gonna give you some advice. The same advice that was given to me many years ago when I had a very similar dilemma.
- David Shayne: Similar to mine. To...
- Sheldon Flender: Yes. Yes.
- David Shayne: What did you do? What?
- Sheldon Flender: You gotta do what you gotta do.”
Rob Reiner - Sheldon Flender
John Cusack - David Shayne

“- Jack McGurn: I agree to hand out a bundle of leaflets, and you act as if I'm going out to kill someone.
- Lily Yuriko Kawamura: Because you know one thing will lead to another, and it'll make you crazy. You can't spit against Heaven, Jack!
- Jack McGurn: Oh, don't give me that Japanese shit!”
Dennis Quaid - Jack McGurn
Tamlyn Tomita - Lily Yuriko Kawamura

“There comes a time in every son's life when he must, indeed, follow his father's advice: I shall go to bed at once.”
Rupert Everett - Lord Arthur Goring