“Alyssa, I'm sorry I called you a gap-toothed bitch. It's not your fault you're so gap-toothed.”
Miranda Edwards - Michigan Girl

“- Reuben Goetz: Nico! Uh, W-we got prawn tempura, seaweed salad... you want to join us?
- Nicoletti: You kiss your mother after you eat that stuff?
- Reuben Goetz: No. I can kiss you if you like.
- Nicoletti: Go fuck yourself, Reuben.”
Dermot Mulroney - Reuben Goetz
Will Patton - Nicoletti

“- José Jalapeño: Purple bastard.
- Peanut: Mexican condiment.
- Jeff Dunham: A condiment?
- José Jalapeño: I do not use them.
- Peanut: You don't?
- José Jalapeño: And neither did your mother.”

Jeff Dunham - José Jalapeño
Jeff Dunham - Peanut
Jeff Dunham - Himself

“She finds human imperfection unforgiveable. And when I gradually discovered that my relationship to her was supposed to be not that of a loving husband and a good companion, but... but that of a kind of high priest to a virgin goddess, then my drinks grew deeper and more frequent.”

Cary Grant - C. K. Dexter Haven

“You boys have had your fun. Now pay for it.”

Charles Judels - The Coachman