“Alyssa, I'm sorry I called you a gap-toothed bitch. It's not your fault you're so gap-toothed.”
Miranda Edwards - Michigan Girl

“- José Jalapeño: Purple bastard.
- Peanut: Mexican condiment.
- Jeff Dunham: A condiment?
- José Jalapeño: I do not use them.
- Peanut: You don't?
- José Jalapeño: And neither did your mother.”

Jeff Dunham - José Jalapeño
Jeff Dunham - Peanut
Jeff Dunham - Himself

“- Reuben Goetz: Nico! Uh, W-we got prawn tempura, seaweed salad... you want to join us?
- Nicoletti: You kiss your mother after you eat that stuff?
- Reuben Goetz: No. I can kiss you if you like.
- Nicoletti: Go fuck yourself, Reuben.”
Dermot Mulroney - Reuben Goetz
Will Patton - Nicoletti

“Here at Globo Gym we understand that ugliness and fatness are genetic disorders, like baldness or necrophilia, and it's your fault if you don't hate yourself enough to do something about it.”
Ben Stiller - White Goodman

“I know my girl ain't so pretty as these girls, but that's my fault. I raised her like I would a boy. I didn't know any better. She loves to play. Don't make my little girl suffer because I messed up raising her. Please.”
Eddie Jones - Dave Hooch