“- Patcha: There's two people in there looking for you.
- Kuzco: Who?
- Pacha: A big guy and a skinny old woman.
- Kuzco: Wait, was this woman scary beyond all reason?”
John Goodman - Patcha
David Spade - Kuzco

“- Carter: You just jealous, Lee, 'cause women like me. I'm tall, dark and hansome and you third world ugly.
- Lee: I am not third world ugly, women think I'm cute. Like Snoopy.
- Carter: Lee, Snoopy is 6 inches taller than you.”
Chris Tucker - Carter
Jackie Chan - Lee

“- Astrid Magnussen: Looks don't interest me.
- Paul Trout: That's easy for you to say, you've never been ugly.”
Alison Lohman - Astrid Magnussen
Patrick Fugit - Paul Trout

“- Ford Fairlane: Disco Express? They blew, dog. And that lead singer, he kinda looked like...
- Lt. Amos: Like me, right?
- Ford Fairlane: Yeah. I was gonna say he looked like shit, but... he looked like you.”
Andrew Dice Clay - Ford Fairlane
Ed O'Neill - Lt. Amos

“Sonora, you have to be extremely careful with your appearance. I mean, having no natural beauty of your own you really need to help yourself.”
Kathleen York - Marie