“First divorce: wife's hidden sexuality, not my fault. Second divorce: said the wrong name at the altar, kind of my fault. Third divorce: they shouldn't let you get married when you're that drunk and have stuff drawn all over your face, Nevada's fault.”
David Schwimmer - Dr. Ross Geller

“For years the government has been wisely coercing teenagers to buy products they normally wouldn't want, just to get their money.”
Eugene Levy - Eugene Levy

“Kids today aren't dumb. They're not gonna buy just anything. That's why the government has been planting small subliminal advertising suggestions in today's rock music.”
Eugene Levy - Eugene Levy

The new slogan now is "Diamonds: Render her speechless". Why don't they just go ahead and say it? "Diamonds: That'll shut her up... for a minute".

Ron White - Ron White

“Coca-Cola is by far the world's number one soft drink and they spend more money than anybody on advertising. I guess that's how come they stay number one.”
Reese Witherspoon - Tracy Flick