“- Wolf J. Flywheel: There are many bonds that will hold us together through eternity.
- Martha Phelps: Really, Wolf? What are they?
- Wolf J. Flywheel: Your government bonds, your savings bonds, your liberty bonds.”

Groucho Marx - Wolf J. Flywheel
Margaret Dumont - Martha Phelps

“- Rose Smith: Nice girls don't let men kiss them until after they're engaged. Men don't want the bloom rubbed off.
- Esther Smith: Personally, I think I have too much bloom. Maybe that's the trouble with me.”

Lucille Bremer - Rose Smith
Judy Garland - Esther Smith

“- Ben Hood: What the hell happened?
- Janey Carver: A prior engagement overcame me.”
Kevin Kline - Ben Hood
Sigourney Weaver - Janey Carver

“- Co-ed: I'm engaged.
- Jacey Holt: So am I.
- Co-ed: You are?
- Jacey Holt: Sure. I'm engaged in conversation with you.”
Julie Benz - Co-ed
Billy Crudup - Jacey Holt

“Ursula's fiancè is in prison, and there's a jungle man sleeping on her balcony. She could use a best friend right now.”

Keith Scott - The Narrator