“I've been in consultation with our Director and we've decided that what has been needed in this bank for a long time is a special officer. Or, to refer to the article of the underworld, a bank dick. In lieu of your heroism, your valiant, dauntless courage, I have the honor to offer you this position.”

Pierre Watkin - Mr. Skinner

“- Female Interviewer: Last place of employment?
- Nada: Denver, Colorado. I worked there for ten years and things just seemed to dry up. They lost fourteen banks in one week. So, well...
- Female Interviewer: There's nothing available for you right now.”
Lucille Meredith - Female Interviewer
Roddy Piper - Nada

“- Loan broker: So, you found your dream house. And right now you're asking First Boise Savings & Loan to give you a mortgage.
- Arlo Pear: As you can see, I've had the same job for 15 years.
- Loan broker: Well, that's very nice, but it's not enough. I mean, Al Capone had the same job for 30 years.”
Rodney Dangerfield - Loan Broker
Richard Pryor - Arlo Pear

“- Clark Griswold: So, this is the old homestead, eh?
- Cousin Eddie: Yeah. I don't know for how much longer, though. The bank's been after me like flies on a rib roast.”
Chevy Chase - Clark Griswold
Randy Quaid - Cousin Eddie

“Insurance companies. See, all the banks is insured now, and that's who takes the loss. And hell, they're the biggest crooks of 'em all. We are just little thieves stealing from the big thieves, that's all.”
Matthew McConaughey - Willis Newton